||[Apr. 8th, 2007|10:23 am]
Both housemates have returned to their family homes for the Easter break so me and the two doggies have been left to our own devices. I'm really enjoying it actually. I'm working on a new story, watching stupid amounts of Buffy and doing dance routines in my underwear all over the house.
Last week I saw a new physio and she gave me a series of exercises to strengthen my pathetic right arm. I have started off with a 400 gram can of kidney beans as my weight and could only lift it 5 times in a row last week but now I'm already up to 10 lifts before it becomes too painful. Me and my kidney beans are the best of friends now and we go everywhere together.
The drugs I'm on at the moment have been working really well but for the first time in ages I forgot the take them last night so I am dreading today and am already in more pain then I've been in for ages. But knowing I brought this about by forgetting my drugs makes it sort of easier to cope with. I know that if I hadn't been stupid, I wouldn't be in pain.
I really want to get a few photoshoots done over the break. I have no paid gigs coming up (which entirely my own fault as I've had to let several pass because of being idiotic with pain) but this means I'll be able to do more creative things.
In the last month, I have auditioned for three productions and not been successful in any application. This has been really hard to take but strangely, it has come at a time when I've been becoming much more confident in my acting ability. On Thursday I had a major assessment and I really feel surprisingly confident that I did well. My dancing ego, on the other hand, has been completely crushed. I constantly feel guilty when people are partnered with me, as I am sure I will hold them back. I want to push myself but everyone fears my sling and is too nervous to push me. Alot of our work is currently based on lifts and no one is willing to trust their weight to me (and considering my 400 gram of kidney beans, they are probably right not to let me take their weight) and is too scared of dropping and injuring me to balance me. This has been really hard but I am now participating in almost everything we do in class and it has been more then a week since I've had to leave a room in too much pain to continue.
Sometimes it is hard to know if I am pushing myself too hard or if the pain I feel is just from working hard. On Thursday I was doing part of the main routine from The Metamorphosis Project (the main movement project for Second Year BPA students). The big cat sequence is by far the hardest part for me as it involves alot of weight on arms. We had been working on ones of these minutes (pretty much Down-face dog with only one leg on the floor and the other pointing up to the ceiling). I was in pain but dismissed it as what everyone else must be feeling until my arm actually collapsed and I fell onto my face. It really shocked me because I always think that I am being too cautious and not pushing myself enough but I guess I'm not being as lax as I think.
Thank god I'm getting special consideration for the semester.